Last week was really, really bad. Not that anything really terrible or disastrous happened, I just mean I had a bad week - hard/stressful/exhausted? I think PMS was part of it and just made everything else so much worse. Normally I crawl in bed, turn out the light, and fall asleep, but last week that wasn't happening. Our cat fence has not been fixed (because we are waiting for a new one to be installed) so we can't let the cats have access to the cat door at night, or any time we are not at home. This means the cats start poking at me around 4 am, wanting me to get up and let them out.
I was sooo tired and frustrated, I nearly had a melt down on the way to work one morning over the cat fence. Husband wants to have a chain link fence installed, and then add the cat proofing kit. More expensive, but theoretically should stand up better to our crazy winters. I said I just want it ASAP. So a guy from the fencing company came over to give an estimate - sometime in early May I think - and when Husband asked how soon we could have the work done, they said they were just waiting for the ground to dry up, and they were hoping to be able to get started in a couple of weeks.
So when they came back with the official estimate, Husband said yes, and then they said "Oh, there are other people ahead of you in the queue, so it will be 4-6 weeks." I was not happy to hear that, but it just hit me hard last week when I realized it was not going to be done before our vacation rolls around and we head for Nova Scotia...Meaning the cats will be confined to the house the whole time, and they are going to pee on everything.
So yeah, I just about lost it one morning and Husaband was looking at me like I was an alien or something, and telling me to calm down, because there is nothing we can do about it.
It is more often the case that Husband gets in a temper about something and I am the one being all annoyingly calm and reasonable. I did not enjoy the experience from the other side. I knew it was pointless to be so upset, but I couldn't help it.
On top of that, there were stressful work things going on. I was directing a lot of negative thoughts at myself regarding my weight.
It was just an all around bad week.
This week has been better. We took a couple of vacation days last Friday and Monday. We had some rainy weather that the cats didn't want to go out in so I got ot sleep through the night. That made a huge difference.
I spent a couple of hours wandering around greenhouses and garden centres which was extremely relaxing and peaceful. I came to the conclusion that I have not been having enough time to myself lately, to just do my own thing. Not that I couldn't have, I just haven't been making it a priority.
I am still frustrated about the cat fence, and feeling awful at the thought of the cats being stuck in the house while we are away. I can't say that the negative voices have gone away either, but they are a little quieter at the moment.
I hear/read so much about how we should learn to love ourselves/our bodies as they are...I really don't know how to do that? Even after 15 years, I can reconcile this me with the skinny version that used to exist. I don't know how to let go of that.
There is no real point to this post other than giving me a place to complain. Life is hard sometimes. There are lots of good things, and I know I am fortunate in so many ways, but sometimes the hard stuff seems to drown out all the good bits.
Good bit: I have vacation coming up very soon! I will get to visit with my baby sister! And the rest of my family too, but I haven't seen my sister in a couple of years so I am looking forward to it. Only thing that would make it better is if both sisters could be there. (We will leave out the fact that I am irritated with Husband bcs he told his parents we would stay with them without asking me first - we've stayed with Husband's parents the last couple of trips, and I would have preferred to be at home with my sis this time - kinda seems like everything is getting on my nerves these days, ya know?).
How about some things that make me feel good?
As always, if you want to see more photos, you can always hop on over to the garden blog.