Counting it Down

It seems to be a commonly held opinion that 2016 kind of sucked.  A lot of beloved celebrities died. Then there is the fiasco that was the US Election. There were plenty of things in the news this year that made me sad, angry, confused, but more personally? My cats.

Husband and I got married on December 31, 2001. We moved into our house in May/June 2002. We got our kittens in August of 2002. Which means those cats had been with us for almost as long as we have been in this house, almost as long as we have been married.  They were 14 years old. It has been a difficult adjustment, and while I know it's not something that everyone understands, I am still grieving.

I've been on vacation since Dec.22. We had no plans to go anywhere this year, since we were home at the beginning of November, and again at the beginning of December. Things have been really busy. November was the worst, since Zappa died on Oct 31 and I had  no time to get used to that at all before we had to get up early the next morning and go to Nova Scotia for 5 days. I feel like I have just been stumbling along, trying to get through what I have to get through. It just hasn't been the best time.

So it's been nice. Having this time at home, not having to go anywhere; nothing we have to do. I mostly have not been doing anything that I don't feel like I want to do. I've been reading my way through a stack of books, working on some paintings, playing the piano, staying up late[er than I normally would which is probably still not late to a lot of people], sleeping in.

I could wish that the weather was a bit nicer; it's not terrible but a lot of flip-flopping between warm and cold, with precipitation, so it's a sheet of ice out there and I don't want to go out and walk on it. But it's been nice, just hanging out at home with Husband. We've been cooking dinners together that we normally wouldn't make because it would be too much time and effort during a work week. Just generally relaxing, de-stressing, enjoying ourselves.

I miss the cats. I still get the feeling, now and then, that I'm forgetting something; I think its an echo of the way I always used to do a mental check; do I know where the cats are? I still look at the doors when I'm walking by, like I'll see a little face sitting there looking in. I still have my moments where I feel so overwhelmingly sad; I think it started happening more after I had a few days at home and I think it's maybe good?

The weirdest thing happened - not sure if it was Saturday or Sunday. I was sitting in the living room on my laptop. My mind had been pretty occupied. I was watching a series of "learn to draw" videos. Then I think I was surfing around maybe, reading some other things? And suddenly I could have sworn that I smelled my cats. If you have cats, you know how they have a scent, if you bury your face in their fur? It's fairly subtle I think. It's pleasant. Anyway, I have no idea where that would have come from, but for a moment it was like it was there. Then I got up and left the room so Husband wouldn't see me burst into tears.

So yeah. Still hard. But good vacation anyway. Still have some time left, though I know it will be over too soon and not seem like it was long enough - vacations never seem long enough, do they?

Reading actual books for a change, instead of the e-reader. 

You can't learn to paint without doing some still life paintings, right? Cause everyone needs to know how to paint fruit...

Winter painting.

Klingon beer. Good stuff. We like our Dunkel.

I Dream Of Cats

This morning I dreamed that my cats were here, following me around the house as they always used to do. I went into the bedroom to get ready for work, and Zappa jumped up on the window sill behind me; Frank jumped up on the bed and I was petting him. Surrounded by my happy cats. Then I was on the other side of the bed, by the closet, giving them cat treats. Cory came in and asked what I was doing and I said I was giving them cat treats even though I knew they weren't really there.

I started to wake up then, but I didn't want to and tried not too. But I had to, so I got up and let myself cry in the shower.

I'd  say the dream made me  sad, but I haven't really stopped being sad. It just made it hard to ignore again.

Anyway this afternoon at work, I suddenly remembered pictures that I thought were on my phone and had to stop and look for them.

This was pretty much the normal state for those 2 years or so that Cory was traveling to Japan for work. They were the best feline pals a gal could ask for. Don't know what I would have done without them. 

Thanks for visiting my dreams, guys. Wish you were still here.

I'm Not Okay

I did indeed finish my last week of Chalene Extreme on time. I really wanted to get in that last workout by the end of October because on Nov 1 we were going away for 5 days, and I just didn't want that one last workout hanging over my head.

I scheduled those workouts, and did them on the day that was scheduled, and I finish the final one on Sunday, Oct. 30.

The weekend was busy with trying to get ready for our trip - last minute errands, laundry, getting things ready for the cat sitters.

Monday, Oct 31 I got up earlier than I wanted, because Zappa seemed to think I should get up and feed him. It was good though, had things to do. Had a good morning; a little relaxation, working on getting packed, tried a new yoga workout, had cuddles with Zappa. After Zappa had his cuddles with me, he went over and jumped up on Husband's chair for cuddles from him. I remember thinking: What am I going to do when I lose him? And then a couple of hours later, he was gone.The vet thinks his heart just stopped.

And then we still had to get up early the next morning to catch the ferry. I didn't want to go, but Husband had an appointment in Halifax, and our families were expecting us for a visit. After the first day, it was maybe a bit easier being away; we were busy and distracted, and in a different place where I wasn't expecting to see Zappa.

Heading home was hard. I was bracing myself for it, and trying not to be too upset, because I know that's hard on Husband. I think I maybe bottled it up too tightly, and ended up feeling a bit remote at first, in a little bit of a daze. I was sad but it was like I didn't quite know what to do, or how to process it. It's starting to hit me now though.

You know how sometimes people say "Hi, how are you?" and you just automatically respond that you're good,  you're fine, you're okay....At least I do that a lot.

Yesterday at work a coworker actually asked "are you okay?" I thought I was doing keeping it together more or less, but the way she asked that question makes me think not. And what came out of my mouth was: "not really."
This morning I got really irritated with Husband over nothing, and then tears just started running down my face and I realized I'm not really okay right now. Turns out it's a relief to acknowledge that, even just to yourself.

I will be okay, eventually. But right now? I'm hurting and just trying to keep myself distracted as much as possible.

I haven't really been taking pictures lately. Not sure why exactly. I've been grieving Frank and I haven't had the heart for a lot of things, I think. And Zappa has always been a little harder to photograph; as soon as he knew you were looking at him, he'd come running, looking for attention. Most of the recent ones I do have are from my phone.

 October 22

Wishing for the rain to stop so he could go out and chase mice.

 October 29

Not really a good photo - I have not mastered the art of the selfie - but this was his favourite thing: to be picked up and carried around, resting on the left shoulder. I would stand/walk around the house until he was ready to get down, which could take a while. But he purred and snuggled and was happy as could be.

October 29

I bought a new cat fountain, had not set it up yet; was planning to do it the next time the old one needed to be cleaned. Cory and I had watched Zappa checking out the box before I opened it and chuckled about how fast he'd be in there once I opened it. Sure enough, I unpacked the new fountain on Saturday and the next thing I know he's in the new box looking really pleased with himself.

He had 14 good years. I know that his last days were happy. If it was going to happen, I'm glad it happened when we were there rather than a day later when he would have been all alone. 

But I miss him and I am not okay.

Eyes On The Finish Line

The weather has also taken a sudden turn; last week we were still seeing temperatures of 18 - 20 degrees Celsius. I  walked to my 7:30 pm piano lesson on Tuesday night and didn't need a jacket. Rainy over the weekend though.

This week the temperatures have been around 10 degrees Celsius, or less.  I walked to my piano lesson on Tuesday night, wearing my nice, thick hoodie, and wished I'd dressed warmer and worn gloves.  And more rain coming t his weekend, apparently.

 

Have still been feeling mostly good. Workouts have been happening, lunches have been packed...Up until this week.

Have been sticking fairly close to my workout schedule, and am in the last week of the last phase...Really wanting to finish by the 31st.

So, as I say, all has been going pretty well until Monday. My workout plan has 3 phases, and each phase is 4 weeks. I'm in the 3rd phase, which I have been finding to be the toughest (not a surprise, I suppose), and Monday was the final workout of Phase 3, Week 3...Well sort of, but I'll save that for another post...What I considered to be the last one anyway...

So third time I've done that workout, but it seriously kicked my butt. I had noted the last time that I should increase my weight for a few of the moves, so maybe that had something to do with it. I guess I had swapped a couple of other workouts during this week, which may have left me more fatigued, I don't know. I will say, I was feeling less energetic last weekend anyway, so maybe it's just a minor downswing.

I finished with jelly-limbs, and dragged myself up the stairs. We had dinner cooking in the oven while I was doing my workout, and the timer went off just as I was coming up. I was seriously a bit worried, taking things out of the oven, that I was going to drop something. Even dishing it up and carrying plates felt like an effort. 

So there were no dishes washed, no lunches packed that night...I really didn't want to move any more. I was tired on Tuesday, but it was an off day on the workout schedule anyway, so I just took it easy.

Started week 4 last night...Today is another off day; I had thought about throwing in a cardio workout today, but decided to stick with the rest that's on the schedule...and then I have until Monday to finish out the last week. I should be able to do it.

Already trying to figure out what I will do next...

Aside from the workout stuff, I have been playing around with painting on my own. It's one of those things that I always wanted to try, but it was hard to figure out how to get started. 

So, after a half-dozen paint & sip nights, I got some paints, etc., and gave it a go. I played around on mixed media paper for a bit, and then finally made the jump to canvas paper and did these two paintings.

I did some research on paint colours, which also led to looking at recommended brands. These are done using Liquitex Soft Body Acrylic - Amazon has a nice starter set of 8 colours, so that seemed like a good way to start.

I'm using canvas paper, rather than using canvas stretched on a frame - that seems wasteful/expensive when you are just learning and trying to figure out what you can do, plus they take up space - what do you do with all of them? 

These are small - I have canvas paper pads in 8x10 and 9x13, and I do kind of wonder if it will be hard to move to larger size if I let myself spend too much time doing small pictures, but we'll see.

What's hard about doing it on my own:

- Figuring out what to paint; I've been google searching for examples I can work from

- Figuring out how to start once I choose a picture; that first touch of brush to canvas is hard

What's easier:

- Being able to take my time; I like to take my time (always feel rushed during the sip & paint nights).

- Being able to walk away and come back; letting the paint dry in between, coming back and looking at it with new eyes.

Up Days and Down Days

Tuesday, Sept 27
My energy levels vary widely; I go from feeling like a superwoman, that I can do it all to feeling like I can hardly get through the bare minimum. I find it frustrating because I never know how I'm going to be. I have wondered if it is related to hormone levels? I think lately some of it has been due to - or exacerbated by - stress.

At the moment, I'm still kind of stressed (though coming down) and I am feeling pretty good. See? Here I am blog writing on a Tuesday evening after washing dishes, playing piano, doing a short workout and making a salad to take in my lunch tomorrow (of course this could also have something to do with husband bringing me a coffee after work - I hope I sleep tonight).

Right now:

Feeling good about...

• Piano lessons; still living out the childhood dreams and doing piano lessons once a week. Things are better now that I have been able to switch to evening lessons once a week, just around the corner from my house. Before I was going on Thursday afternoons during the workday; when I started, the place I was going was close to my office, but winter before last they moved farther away and it has been more difficult. I was afraid if I stopped, I'd never start again, so feeling better with the change.
• The fact that the high pressure projects that have been going on at work are winding now, and soon things should be back to normal.
• Workouts; slowly getting back into things over the past week, and reminding myself that it is okay to sub in different workouts if I feel the need or the urge; doing a different workout is better than no workout.
• Tomorrow is another painting night!

Tuesday, Oct 4
Oh hello! I meant to come back and update at least a couple of times during the week, but things have been busy. Trying to think about what I actually want to do here...I guess two things:

1. Try to track how I'm feeling
2. Work on doing things to make me happy

Not that I'm not a happy person...It's more that I feel like I don't do anything; I go to work, I come home, I do it all over again....I feel like I don't have any interests I guess? Or more accurately: there are things that I think I would like to do someday...But you have to take some first steps or it never happens.

So here goes...

How am I feeling?
Actually still pretty good. There is still some deadline pressure/stress at work, but nothing like it had been for the past month or so.

Workouts

• Finally finished Phase 2 of Chalean Extreme (took way longer than it should have, but I got there) and aiming to start Phase 3 this week. 
• Also trying out a few other things, including Tai Cheng which is available through Beach Body On Demand; I just noticed it last week, tried out the first one tonight and found it very relaxing. It will likely take a back seat to Chalene Extreme, but it feels good to have the option since I still feel like I can't do yoga (stupid knee).

Nutrition

• Did well packing lunches last week - only missed one day, because I somehow completely forgot.
• There were Girl Guide Cookies; Thin Mints. They are gone now.

The Fun Stuff

• Piano lessons ended up being cancelled last week, but I still got in a good amount of practice and feeling good about that.
• Wednesday was a painting night and we did a fun and colorful painting.
• After almost a year of thinking about it, I got myself some painting supplies and for the past couple of weekends I have been playing around. Just trying to practice/learn more technique at this point, but it's definitely fun.

A Little Extra Miscellany

• Because I'm not sure which category to stick this in otherwise
• I didn't get much from my garden this year, but I got a decent crop of hot peppers, and now I'm aiming to use them.
• I picked up a new Indian cookbook recently, and found a recipe for Paneer and Broccoli Masala that I wanted to try.
• And it's feeling like time to put the slow cooker to use again, so I made a batch of Lentil & Chicken Curry.
• Thinking that I will probably make a batch of Chili later in the week.
• It's been a spicy week, and I'm loving it.

I don't know if I'm feeling like I can do more because I happen to be in a good energy phase, or if doing something new is waking up my brain and making me feel more energetic.

September

September always feels like the beginning of the end to me....summer winding down, the year winding down, days getting shorter, weather getting colder...I guess until I hit that point where I'm starting to look forward to spring again.

This summer has been...quiet and I guess also busy at the same time? I've been tired a lot. We've been working on stress-inducing projects at work. I'm still having a hard time with losing Frank.

I had another dream about Frank a few weeks back. Husband had to go away for a conference. I was kind of looking forward to some time to myself and had god intentions to get some things done, but I ended up feeling so tired. Anyway, Husband left on Sunday, and I think it was Monday night/waking up Tuesday morning that I dreamed I was going camping with my parents; I was meeting them at the campground, and when I got there they had Frank with them and I thought well that's kind of odd, we hardly ever take the cats camping (try NEVER). But somehow it was plausible that they had Frank, like they'd been taking care of him, and I just thought it was unusual to bring him to the campground. Anyway, they are all nonchalont about it, and I'm all "be careful! watch him!" thinking I didn't want him to get lost, we had to take care of him because we didn't know how long we'd have him. Anyway, at the end of the dream Frank stretched up his paws to me like he wanted me to pick him up and give him a hug and then I woke up enough to realize I was dreaming and I was going to cry so I went back to sleep and overslept. Had to rush out the door to get to work that morning, and the feeling stayed with me for a couple of days.

Zappa had his yearly check up at the beginning of August, and the vet did blood tests and discovered his thyroid levels were off, so he's on medication now and we've been back to the vet a couple of times to make sure everything is okay. Yesterday the vet said she felt better because he's gaining some weight again, she was concerned that he hadn't at first, and considering what happened with Frank. I've been trying not to think about it...That if only we'd had Frank checked out maybe there was something they could have detected and treated...But nothing had seemed off; then hearing the vet say that brought it all back...If only...

I don't want to sound like I'm walking around miserable all the time, because I'm not. I don't ever completely forget, there is something every day. A lot of days are okay; I accept that I still feel a little sad, and I carry on. Some days are just really hard. Maybe I am a total nutcase, but so be it.

So what else has been going on...I feel like I need to change the subject, change the mood.

• It has been the summer of Fitbit and Pokemon Go; have been so tired recently that I haven't done much in the way of formal workouts, but at least I am walking most days. It's actually been good, the Pokemon thing has been getting me outside more and revisiting some of the nice spots that exist in the vicinity of my office.
• I discovered Elizabeth Hunter thanks to Amy and I read all of the Irin Chronicles, then the Elemental series, and I actually just went back and read the Irin series again because I loved them that much. I did read some other stuff in between, mind you, but I really did enjoy that series.
• We did go home to NS for a visit. It was busy as usual, dividing time between families. I spent an afternoon on my own with my family rambling around rocky beaches which I enjoyed a lot. No sisters home to visit this year, and I missed them, but things sound promising for next summer.
• My parents and brother came to visit over the long weekend in September which was a treat, and also meant a pretty busy weekend. They brought lots of stuff from their garden (I am pretty much garden-less these days without my deer fence). Mom and I canned tomatoes which I will enjoy this winter. Dad and my brother worked on my garden shed. Mom and I did some shopping. We all went off to the park for a walk - the weather was beautiful all weekend.
• The stress-inducing projects at work are not quite over...we will get through though.
• I've had a couple more painting nights; one of these days I need to bite the bullet and get myself some painting supplies to play with at home.

Now I guess I am settling in for fall.

I had started doing the Chalean Extreme workout program, and was liking it a lot. Then I lost my momentum around mid-August; that would be when I was hit with the extreme tired. So would like to get going again with that, and I'm really trying to think what I can do about food; this summer has not been great, too much crappy food. Sometimes it feels really complicated, trying to mesh what I would like to be eating with what Husband wants to be eating, and then I'm tired and I can't be bothered...Anyway, I need to do something.

I need to stop waiting for things, and I just need to do; that is my mind set at the moment. Now I just have to figure out how to actually do that....

Zappa

Get me out of here!

Wandering rocky beaches with my family.

Chasing Pokemon around Annapolis Royal with my Husband and in-laws.

Walking around uptown Saint John

Harvest Moon

August and September paintings

One Day At A Time. Over and Over Again.

Last night I dreamed that Frank came home. That he had just been missing all this time, and someone else had been taking care of him, but now he was home.

It was a bit disorienting to wake up and remember why he can't come home. My heart keeps breaking over and over again.

I don't want to talk to anyone about it because it seems a bit nuts; there's this little voice telling me that it's not reasonable to grieve this much over a cat. But here I am.

When Frank actually was missing for two weeks a few years ago, I dreamed three times about him coming home. I've actually been surprised that I haven't dreamed about it before now. I figured the difference was that I know this time. There is no wondering.

I have no idea if writing about this will help, but it seems like it can't hurt anyway.

Catching Up

Well now, it has been a while and I don't know where to start. We are over half way through 2016 already, and half way through the summer. Honestly, it feels like 2016 has been a bit rough on me so far.

I was sick with a cold at the end of March, then with a flu at the start of April; it seemed like I was sick for a month.

I managed to trip myself, and smash my knee down on our porcelain tile floor on April 22 (I remember the date because it was exactly 1 week before my birthday). My knee is better, but still not 100% back to normal; I can't stand to kneel on it because it just feels wrong.

Then early in June I hurt my foot. I was walking down our hallway to grab my sneakers so I could go work out and whacked my baby toe against the vacuum. It hurt. A lot. But I brilliantly decided it was no big deal, and carried on. Not my best workout, and I ended up taking some days off from exercise after that. My foot at least seems to be pretty much fine now, though it definitely did not look great at the time.

And honestly, that it all minor stuff. Losing Frank has been the hardest, and while I'm doing better I am still sad. And also now extremely paranoid about Zappa, but trying not to be too crazy.

On the up side, we have been having a pretty nice summer, and we are on vacation next week. No big plans, just relaxing and enjoying some free time in the summer.

I don't have much of a garden planted this year. It was so frustrating last year to see things growing so well, only to be eaten by the deer. So there doesn't seem to be much point until we do something to keep the deer out of the yard. Then, losing Frank in May left me not feeling like doing much of anything for a while.

But I have a few things planted, and then there are the rose and lilac bushes that my parents brought over to transplant at the end of May. This one in particular is doing really well.

From this:

To this:

It is still small, but seems to be thriving.

Workout-wise, I have been doing Chalene Extreme and enjoying it a lot. I'm not keeping up with the schedule, the workouts happen when they happen, but I still feel like I can see progress. I've also been walking more, due to the fact that I finally broke down and bought a Fitbit (which seems like it should be a whole post of it's own) and I do find it to be motivating.

I think that's about it for now. I'm feeling tired and ready for time off next week. Hoping the nice weather keeps up. Maybe once I've had some time off, I'll be able to write something more interesting here.

For now, I'll leave you with a few more  garden pictures.

My small vegetable garden has herbs and a few tomatoes and peppers that I will attempt to protect from the deer.

I planted a bunch of lavender and some more thyme in the flower bed by the driveway because deer don't seem to like eating those. Flower bed really needs mulch, but I guess that will happen next year now.

The beds around the side of the house have been growing pretty wild, but that means they don't require much work, so I'm good with that for now.

Archive Old Sidebar Stuff

Archiving my old side bar data tracking workouts and weigh ins. Time to start with a clean slate.
- JavaChick, Feb 5, 2018

June Workouts

01: Jackie Warner Power Circuit Training Upper + Lower Body
02: 25 min walk
04: Chalene Extreme Burn Circuit
09: Painting closet doors - Habitat for Humanity[4 hrs]

May Workouts
Freaking hurt my knee...14: BOD Dance For Charity w/Autumn's Country Heat (Red Cross Alberta Fire Relief) + Body Beast ABS Classic
Lost my Fabulous Frankie, lost my heart to do much of anything...

April Workouts
3 weeks of head cold followed by flu until finally…

13: YDL Gentle Hatha #1

16: Body Beast BUILD: Chest/Tris

17: Body Beast BUILD: Legs

18: Body Beast BUILD: Back & Bis

19: ACAP clean up: 3 hrs walking, picking up, lugging garbage

20: 25 min Mall Walk + Body Beast BUILD: Shoulders

21: 25 min Zumba + Body Beast BUILD: ABS

23: Body Beast BUILD: Chest/Tris

25: Body Beast BUILD: Back & Bis

26: Body Beast BUILD: Shoulders

November Workouts

01: Crunch Fat Burning Pilates
02: LM Pump & Shred
03: Crunch Fat Burning Pilates
04: 25 min Mall Walk
05: 25 min Walk + LM Pump Challenge
16: LM Pump Challenge
17: Crunch Fat Burning Pilates
18: LM Pump & Shred
19: Crunch Burn & Firm Pilates
20: LM Pump & Burn
24: LM Pump Revolution
26: LM Pump & Burn
28: Rockin' Body: Mark, Move & Groove + Party Express

October
01: 25 min Walk
05: LM Pump & Shred
06: 25 min Walk + Renovation room clearing
10: LM Pump & Shred
12: LM Pump & Shred
13: 35 min Mall Walk
15: LM Pump & Shred
24: LM Pump Revolution + Post Reno cleaning
26: LM Pump Challenge
31: LM Pump & Burn

September
02: LM Pump & Burn
03: CIZE Crazy 8s + 8 Count Abs
04: LM Pump & Shred + 5 Zumba Songs
05: PiYo Buns + 25 min Treadmill Walk
07: LM Pump & Burn
08: 25 min Mall Walk + 25 min Treadmill Walk
09: LM Pump & Shred
10: 25 min Walk
12: 25 min Mall Walk + YDL Gentle Hatha #1 60 min
15: 45 min Treadmill Walk
17: 25 min Walk + LM Pump & Shred
19: LM Pump & Shred
21: LM Pump & Shred
23: 20 min Mall Walk + PYL Pilates
24: 25 min Walk + LM Pump & Shred
26: LM Pump & Shred
28: 20 min Mall Walk + Moon Salutation Flow

See previous months

Weigh Ins
2011
Jan 07: 154.2

2010
Jul 23: 151.0
Jul 16: 152.8

Mar 18: 148.6
Mar 12: 147.7
Mar 05: 148.9
Feb 26: 149.4
Feb 19: 149.1
Feb 12: 147.9
Feb 05: 148.4
Jan 22: 149.3
Jan 15: 148.4
Jan 08: 150.3
Jan 01: 151.2

2009
Jan 09: 146.5

2008
Start Weight:
Aug 01: 145.1

See Previous

I don't know

When you've had a pet for almost 14  years, how long does it take before you stop noticing they are no longer there? It's like a constant weight on my heart right now.

We picked up Frank's ashes last week, on Friday. The vet tech brought out what looked very much like a gift bag; it seemed strange but also thoughtful? I was distraught, visibly so I am sure. The vet tech was speaking to me very quietly and I couldn't hear a word she was saying, but Cory was listening and responding. When we got out to the car, I had to ask what she was saying. He said they made us a plaster paw and it was fragile, so I should be careful with it; I felt a bit bad that I hadn't acknowledged this, especially when I got home, looked at it and realized it was Frank's paw print.

I thought that I would maybe bury Frank's ashes out in the garden, under a bush where he liked to sleep. But then I realized that a) I'm not ready for that, and b) it's okay that I'm not ready; it can wait until it doesn't hurt so much to think about. I don't know when that will be, but some day I will get there.

My parents and brother were here for a visit this weekend. They brought some cuttings from rose bushes and a couple of little lilac bushes. We hope that the deer won't bother the rose bushes, and we've done our best to protect the little lilac bushes to give them a fighting chance.


I have not been doing much - some spring cleaning, trying to de-clutter and get rid of a few things. We're in to the beginning of garden season now, so I should really get out and start getting some things done. I haven't felt like it, but I also know I will probably feel better if I do.

My knee is better, but...it still feels wrong if I happen to bump it, and I can't kneel down on it. I think I can still see a bit of a bump there, but I don't know if that is my imagination. I don't know if it just needs more time to heal or if I maybe I should have/still should get it checked out?

Anyway, between that and between me just wallowing and not feeling like doing much of anything, there hasn't been much in the way of exercise. However, it is time to start. I will start slow and see how it goes.

Mom & I did some shopping while she was here, and I bought this new table runner. Zappa thinks it makes a great lounging spot.

Climbing Rose that I hope will take root and survive.

Lilac bushes are in here....

Hopefully safe from these guys...

Yes, I am talking to you; don't give me that innocent face!

Saying Goodbye

Yesterday was not a good day. Today is only marginally better. Lots and lots of tears.

I will miss waking up in the morning to find Frank snuggled up by my feet. I will miss Frank rubbing his head against me in affection as I get cat food out of the cupboard; he was a big fan of meal time.

He often used to accompany me to the bathroom when it was time for me to get ready for bed at night. He would settle on the bath mat for belly rubs and pets. He actually liked to be covered with a towel; this would often lead to play time, but sometimes he would just sleep that way.

Sometimes he could be frustrating. I would be sitting in my chair in the living room and he would sit down by my chair and stare at me; I called it Frank face. He would lift up a paw and kind of wave it at me, which made us laugh; it was his way of saying I want you to get up and...Well, that tended to be the frustrating part; figuring out what he wanted. Sometimes I think he didn't know what he wanted either, other than for me to get up and follow him around.

I loved to pick him up and hold him because he was so large and solid, and yet so soft. It was comforting somehow.

He was a huge cat, and therefore had huge paws with appropriately large (and sharp!) claws, but he was gentle. He would wake me up by tapping my forehead with a paw. Much as I don't care to be woken in the middle of the night or early in the morning, it was still entertaining to see his face looking down and me, and this giant paw coming down on my forehead.

Fourteen years is a long time, and it feels like something is missing.

It helps that we still have Zappa, and  he has been extra snuggly. I am also more aware than ever that we have limited time left, but for now I'm trying to just enjoy the cuddles.

First & Last

The first photos  I ever posted of Frank (to the rear, and Zappa in front) on my blog. They would have been somewhere around 6 years old.

Frank loved to be outdoors.

Last photo of Frank on my camera, almost 14 years old. They've been enjoying the spring weather. I've been looking forward to summer and hanging out with them in the garden.

Good-bye, my friend. Thank you for giving us as many years as you were able. You will be missed.

Ever have one of those days?

I made it through the first week of my new workout program! Feeling like this is a doable-thing.

Friday (yesterday) was a rest day, but I was hoping to sneak in a short yoga session; feeling like I could use a good stretch.

Did not happen.

Get up and head to kitchen to feed cats. Turn around from getting cat food out of cupboard to find Frank lying directly in my path. Attempt course correction, flailing wildly while trying to regain balance without stepping on cat and wondering if I've left anything breakable on the counter, where my flailing might lead to broken glass on our porcelain tile floor.

Manage to survive this without mishap, and continue on with my day. As I'm moving around the kitchen, tidying up, knock over broom, step on handle which slides causing me to come down hard on my knee. For the record? I do not recommend banging your knee down on porcelain tile. 

And finally, my cleaning lady comes and, while cleaning the kitchen, knocks the glass cruet that we use for sesame oil onto the floor. She has never broken anything before at my house and she felt really bad. I felt a little bad, I did like that cruet, but at that point it almost felt inevitable.

The bright spot in my day - literally - was the fact that it was a beautiful sunny day that almost felt like summer; being at home I was able to eat my lunch out on the deck and enjoy some sun. Frank kept me company.

Today was the start of Week 2 on my  new exercise plan. It was Chest & Triceps, so I figured I was okay to give that a go. I had forgotten there are a lot of pushups, and while I can do some from my toes, I can't do enough to get through a whole workout so I modified either by just keeping one knee down, or doing incline push ups with my hands on the bench.

Tomorrow is supposed to be legs, which I'm not so sure about; I'm still not bending my knee easily, and I can't imagine doing 50 minutes of squats and lunges. So not sure what will happen there, will have to wait and see.

Emerging from winter hibernation

I give up. The winter slump seems to be a thing for me now. The past few years it just seems that I lose my mojo over the winter. This wasn't even a hard winter; we didn't  get much snow, we didn't get a lot of cold weather - pretty much the way I like my winter to be! 

Just when I started  to get my energy back and feel like I wanted to do things I got sick...and sick again. I had a head cold...Just when I was starting to get over that, I got the flu and that has been hanging on and taking forever to go away. I still find that I am tired, but I am finally feeling better.

I started a new workout program on the weekend. Brand new legs workout on Sunday. Result being I've been stiff and sore and feeling like I am walking funny for the past two days.

Today I had a volunteer event with a group of coworkers. We went out and picked up garbage. What a mess. People are disgusting. Is it really so hard to hold onto your coffee cup and your food wrapper until you find a garbage can? And there was one area where I'm sure people were just dumping stuff. 

Anyway, I spent the morning hobbling around on my sore, stiff legs. I did enjoy the fresh air. Now I am really tired and ready for bed. It's 8 pm. Hopefully my muscle soreness will be over with by tomorrow.  

A spectator for part of our clean up effort.

The result of our efforts.

Hello Spring!