As the weekend progressed, things would happen and I'd think that was fun or interesting and I'll have to mention it when I do my weekend post...But then, as usual, but the time I got around to writing a post I was tired and I just wanted it done and I forgot all of the interesting bits...Sigh.
So here I am taking a quick break this morning to share some thoughts.
I loved the dress I bought to wear to the wedding on Saturday. I felt good in it. The colour and the style suited me so well (I thought). This morning I was on Facebook and a friend who was at the wedding posted a picture of a group of us with the bride, and there I was in my dress and I look huge!
I can't help it - that bothers me. People love to talk about how your weight and appearance shouldn't matter. As long as you are healthy, who cares what dress size you wear? But it's so very hard when you are feeling good about how you look and then you see a photo and you think: how can that be me? It just does not match up with how I feel. That probably sounds crazy, but there it is.
I have to say though, one of the first things that popped into my head when I saw the picture is that I resembled my grandmother. She died when I was 13. I've often been told that I have her hair, that I have many of her mannerisms and am a lot like her, personality-wise. I have only good memories of my grandmother, I really loved her, so to me those were always positive comments. But that's the first time I have ever looked at myself and thought I looked like her figure-wise.
She was much taller than me, of course, I inherited my height from the other side (maternal) of the family. And I always thought that my build was similar to the women on my Mom's side of the family as well.
I never would have called my grandmother fat, mind you. I would have said she had a generous figure. I'm not sure how there is a difference there, but it seems to me like there is. I remember her being an active lady so I think she was physically fit and healthy before she got sick.
Anyway...I think I've gone on a tangent and I may have originally had a point...Oh yes...Maybe I really can't help being the size I am. Maybe it is genetics. I've been noticing lately that as I am working out, doing my boot camp routines, I feel good. I feel fit. Until I look in a mirror.
I don't know how to let go of that. I don't think I want to get comfortable with how I look now. Maybe that's the problem.
I think I will publish this now, before I change my mind...