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Monday, September 21, 2009

As the weekend progressed, things would happen and I'd think that was fun or interesting and I'll have to mention it when I do my weekend post...But then, as usual, but the time I got around to writing a post I was tired and I just wanted it done and I forgot all of the interesting bits...Sigh.

So here I am taking a quick break this morning to share some thoughts.

I loved the dress I bought to wear to the wedding on Saturday. I felt good in it. The colour and the style suited me so well (I thought). This morning I was on Facebook and a friend who was at the wedding posted a picture of a group of us with the bride, and there I was in my dress and I look huge!

I can't help it - that bothers me. People love to talk about how your weight and appearance shouldn't matter. As long as you are healthy, who cares what dress size you wear? But it's so very hard when you are feeling good about how you look and then you see a photo and you think: how can that be me? It just does not match up with how I feel. That probably sounds crazy, but there it is.

I have to say though, one of the first things that popped into my head when I saw the picture is that I resembled my grandmother. She died when I was 13. I've often been told that I have her hair, that I have many of her mannerisms and am a lot like her, personality-wise. I have only good memories of my grandmother, I really loved her, so to me those were always positive comments. But that's the first time I have ever looked at myself and thought I looked like her figure-wise.

She was much taller than me, of course, I inherited my height from the other side (maternal) of the family. And I always thought that my build was similar to the women on my Mom's side of the family as well.

I never would have called my grandmother fat, mind you. I would have said she had a generous figure. I'm not sure how there is a difference there, but it seems to me like there is. I remember her being an active lady so I think she was physically fit and healthy before she got sick.

Anyway...I think I've gone on a tangent and I may have originally had a point...Oh yes...Maybe I really can't help being the size I am. Maybe it is genetics. I've been noticing lately that as I am working out, doing my boot camp routines, I feel good. I feel fit. Until I look in a mirror.

I don't know how to let go of that. I don't think I want to get comfortable with how I look now. Maybe that's the problem.

I think I will publish this now, before I change my mind...

3 comments:

Charlotte said...

I don't think the problem is you, your genetics or even the dress - rather the fact that cameras notoriously add ten pounds! Besides, it was probably just an unflattering pic. Maybe the lighting was bad or the angle or how you were standing? A million things can go wrong with a picture - def. focus on how good and pretty you felt that night because I bet you were!

Merry said...

Ditto what Charlotte said.

Plus, if you've ever seen people who've had a makeover -- in the first picture they're more often posed wearing clothes that are /not/ tailored, while in the 2nd pic the clothes emphasize their figure in the areas that should be flattered, and don't focus on the others.

(I mean, even super models have aspect that they don't want emphasized. In their case, usually it's their actual body. I remember one guy saying that some women look better without clothes. I didn't ask how he knew, but I imagine some people look better without clothes that bag and bulge in inappropriate places!)

JavaChick said...

Thank you Charlotte & Merry...I know that it was probably just a bad photo. It was just such a contrast to how I felt, I guess. I looked at it and thought it just didn't even look like me.

Anyway. Moving on. Not dwelling on it. What is the point, right?