Sunday, January 21, 2018

Can We Start Over?

Dec 31, 2017
I still like my 2017 Resolution:

Keep doing what I know I can do, but do it better, and be kind to myself.

In all honesty, I feel like 2017 kicked my butt. Not that it was necessarily a bad year, but it was extremely busy and left me feeling overwhelmed.

I used most of my vacation time for going places. I feel like I should not complain about this because I know I get a good amount of vacation time - more than many people have available to them - and I really am thankful for that. And we did a lot of fun stuff; they were good trips. But this home-body-introvert likes to save a chunk of vacation time for spending quietly at home, doing her own thing, and she did not get it this year. Work seems to get busier and more stressful all the time. I didn't get to start my December vacation as early as I wanted because of the way project deadlines worked out. I was so desperately looking forward to vacation starting, and then it ended up being busy busy...Things that had to get done, but they weren't my things, not the things that I had been counting on doing....

So I had 3 days of rushing around, wishing I was doing different things, then we went home to visit family and I was probably not in the best frame of mind because I was tired and frustrated. We got delayed coming home because of weather. I was almost in tears on the way home, feeling tired and frustrated still/again. Husband said "Sleep in, tomorrow you will feel better."

I thought: "No I won't. That won't solve anything. I slept plenty while we were home."

Ha. He was right. Ssshhh. Don't tell him I said that....

The bed we were sleeping on while visiting home makes my back hurt. Amazing how much better you can feel after a night sleeping comfortably in your own bed.

I still haven't done the things I wanted to do, and at this point I can't even figure out where to start. I have spent the last two days doing not much. Recovering my equilibrium, I guess. Today I am finally feeling like I want to do things...sort of? It's our anniversary. Hey! Happy 16 years! We are going out to dinner. Early this year, so we will be home in our jammies well before midnight, I am sure. Sounds good to me.

I find myself feeling reflective, and thinking about what I want for the coming year.

There was lots of good stuff. There was lots of stress which is not so good. Things have been changing at work over the years, since our happy little company was acquired by a larger entity. We still have jobs; we have better perks now...But the day to day gets harder and harder. I feel like I need to get a better handle on dealing with stress.

Health-wise; I wish I could turn into an energetic, not tired person...But I don't think that is my physical makeup. That said, there have been some extra challenges with my knee being uncooperative, and I also feel like I need to get a better handle on my eating; I am not eating in the way that makes me feel my best and I need to make some changes there...even if it means I drag Husband along, kicking and screaming all the way.

Jan 21, 2018
...So I started writing this post on Dec 31, walked away to gather my thoughts a bit and here it is, weeks later...I'm not sure my thoughts are gathered yet.

Went back to work on Jan 2nd and jumped right back into craziness and my 'almost feeling like myself again' went back to exhausted.

I feel like I have not accomplished much.
  • Still have not made a follow up doctor's appointment about my knee (I did go for x-rays, but need to go back and find out if they showed anything and if there are any next steps).
  • I wanted to at least try to start doing some easy yoga, and get back to some short walking breaks at work, since it does seem like my knee is cooperating at the moment.
  • I still have bunch of things to tackle at home. It's still hard to know where to start
  •  I need to book vacation time and buy a plane ticket for a planned sister vacation this spring.
I don't know....I just feel like I should be doing things but the work week knocks me out and on the weekends I don't want to go anywhere or do much of anything. I suppose this is partly just winter.

So this is kind of a whiny, going nowhere post I guess? Somehow I need to get on the ball, pull up my socks, get my butt in gear and all that jazz.

I started taking B12 a little less that 2 weeks ago. My sister was talking about it, and I looked up the symptoms of B12 deficiency and felt like I was reading about myself. I don't tend to eat much meat, so it is probably something I should to doing. I do think I am feeling a bit better, so we shall see how it goes. When I bought the B12, I happened to see a natural remedy that's supposed to help with stress, so I'm giving that a try. I figure it can't hurt, right?

Thursday night/Friday morning I dreamed about Frank. It's been a while. In my dream, I was not at home, but I had Frank with me. So I was mostly carrying him around and holding him, because I didn't want him to get lost. Frank was always such a satisfying armful of cat. In my dream, I realized that I hadn't seen Frank in a while. I was all confused, trying to figure out why that would be so. Eventually, there was this little voice in my head reminding me: you don't have him anymore. Then I woke up and went and cried in the shower. While it's not weighing down on me the way it was for the first year or so, I do still feel sad when I think of Frank and Zappa, and I have felt it a little more so over the past couple of days.

But it helps to have this snuggly one.

On weekend mornings when I don't have to get up, she likes to come and sleep the extra hour or so with me. I love sleeping in while cuddling a cat.

We had some extremely cold weather for the first part of January. We had some snow. Last weekend it warmed up enough that all the snow was gone and it felt like spring. Isabelle and I enjoyed the interlude.

It snowed again around the middle of last week, it warmed up yesterday and the snow started to melt away a bit. Then colder again today and supposed to snow more starting tomorrow. Mother Nature can't make up her mind.

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